Tuesday, April 8, 2008

- scenes from a panic attack -



There are no special tricks to get a passport in a hurry,
if you have never in fact, had a passport. Clicking on links like "How to get a passport in a hurry" will not help.

There's a thing about homeland security.
A thing about the Truman Show and how he was tricked into thinking there was nothing more to see in the world.

I remain unconvinced.
I send emails to remind certain people the certain way they certainly make me feel.
A series end or a cliffhanger 'til next season?
A Virgo, I leave that open-ended.

Last week I got a text that started "I hate to be the one to tell you this..."
Coincidence number 4764764734698: Mere hours before that text, I gave away all my klonopin. My entire month's supply thinking I could get more, but knowing I probably wouldn't.

Getting a passport in a hurry is like trying to maybe have your tubes tied. Or maybe a late term abortion.
Waiting period. Papers to fill out. Notary stamps, the are-you-sure's, the people to notify in case of.

There is nothing born of impulse anymore and my body, my soul can't take it.
And so i numb it. White lines, blue lines, bong hits. 3.99 bottles of wine.

My one impulse is muted by the ear-splitting calls of my own heart, which lies in an eternal palsied state; loud but still, until you kiss me.
And make it better.
How Long?
How Long?
How Long?

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